


Groundhog Poetry

by Castillon02



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25574695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castillon02/pseuds/Castillon02
Summary: Bond attempts to woo Q with his words. A mysterious force keeps killing him and starting his day over until he gets it right.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Comments: 9
Kudos: 26
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	1. Limerick

**Author's Note:**

> For the 007 Fest 2020 prompt 'Groundhog Day AU'

1\. There once was a spy with a view  
Of an arse attached to a man, Q.   
Said the spy, ‘Listen here,   
We’re both sexy and queer,   
Let’s find a nice room and go screw.’ 

This poetical masterpiece was more of a poetical disasterpiece.   
A bullet from afar pierced Bond’s skull, offering him sweet release. 


	2. Quatrain

2\. There once was a spy with a chance   
To make up for his first crude advance.   
Said the spy,   
‘Roses are red / Violents are blue / I’d love to fuck you / What do you say, Q?’   
Q said nothing, but looked at him askance. 

An arrow pierced Bond’s heart  
And he was back to the start. 


	3. Haiku

3\. The spy started to think with his head,   
And said, ‘Perhaps a nice haiku instead:   
Limbs splayed across sheets,   
Sowing pleasure like springtime,   
Root swelling inside.’   
Said Q, ‘Not quite what I’m into in bed.’ 

A piano played its last toothy refrain  
Crashing onto Bond’s body from a passing aeroplane. 


	4. Acrostic

4\. An acrostic just might do the trick,  
Though Q’s name was as long as his dick. 

**Q** uirky and quintessential   
**U** nceasing   
**A** rrogant asset   
**R** idiculous clothes that would look better on my floor  
 **T** ricky brain steering through twists and turns   
**E** ssential excellence   
**R** estful control   
**M** ine to frustrate and obey   
**A** cidic replies   
**S** wift diligence   
**T** erritorial protectiveness   
**E** asy to please   
**R** eally, we’d be great in bed together 

Said Q, “Oh yeah, like I’ll fall for that schtick.” 

This time, blunt force trauma   
Freed Bond from his poetry drama. 


	5. Concrete

5\. Said Bond, Maybe Concrete’s 

The True 

Way To 

Show Q 

That My 

Love Will 

Stay That I’m No 

Double-Oh Quitter 

Said Q, his face bitter, 

‘You’re 

just 

showing 

your 

love 

of 

word 

play.’

A train ran into Bond with a smack.   
What the fuck? thought Bond. There weren’t even any tracks! 


	6. Sonnet

6\. By this point, Bond was quite decided---   
No more would his odes be derided.   
A sonnet would do   
To show his dear Q   
That Q’s love wasn’t only one-sided. 

Shall I compare thee to a blazing fire?   
You are as hot, ashing hearts like wood.   
Rough sparks do fly, as though from cars inspired   
By embers burning all that prior stood.   
Sometimes too close your eye of lightning shines;   
Your gaze alights on traits I’d wish to dim.   
So fair a nerd could hardly be inclined   
To light beyond the bed of a man so grim.   
Your warmth supports the ones your aegis knows,  
And your eternal kindling shall not fade,   
Sustained by lives you’ve saved that further grow---   
Don’t let this agent cast your flame in shade.   
But permit the heat and scarred hands to touch;  
One night of fire is surely not too much? 

Q snorted. “And have you put me out the next morning, as is the fate of all fires?” 

Not all, Bond wanted to say---some hearths were tended to with care, the flame never allowed to die. But he found he was yawning, his body heavy, like the mysterious force that kept killing him was, this time, getting him ready for a long sleep...carbon monoxide poisoning, maybe, but at least that was better than the train. 


	7. Question

If experience had shown Bond anything, it was that hesitation and obfuscation killed, and he should go after what he truly wanted. 

“Q, I’d really like to get to know you better. After we finish this mission, would you like to take a turn around this rodent-based festival and marvel at American ridiculousness with me?” 

“That sounds...surprisingly nice. I’d like that.” 

Bond braced himself, but the only thing that hit him was the smile on Q’s face. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is a flawed work of fun and constructive criticism is not welcome at this time. Thank you for reading! <3


End file.
